Wholehearted Health
It was around the third peanut butter sandwich that the shame began to set in.
I mean one peanut butter sandwich…that could be considered healthy. There’s fiber, protein and healthy fats. All good.
Two peanut butter sandwiches… well sometimes people are just really hungry and need the extra calories. It’s a lot, but still ok. Right?
Three peanut butter sandwiches? She couldn’t imagine a scenario that her body would really need three peanut butter sandwiches. Worse yet, she didn’t feel like she was ready to stop.
There is nothing worse than being stuck in a cycle of behaviors that you KNOW aren’t serving you, yet you feel like someone else is in control.
Health is not just made up of the food we eat, or the exercise we engage in. The very core of health is about the relationship we have with ourselves.
When we don’t feel like we are enough, we engage in actions that prove this true. We overeat, we drink too much, we over extend ourselves with commitments just so we can say, “see, told you, you aren’t worth it.”
Well sister, enough is enough. I can tell you from my heart that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Brene Brown, author, researcher, and a personal hero of mine, presents the idea of wholehearted living in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection.
She says…
“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.”
Eating three peanut butter sandwiches has very little to do with a love of peanut butter, hunger, or even willpower. It had everything to do with how she felt about herself. These actions came from a place of fear and disconnection.
Through Brene Brown’s research we learn that by leaning into courage, compassion, and connection we create opportunities to view ourselves as whole. This process teaches us that we are whole not despite our faults, but because of them. It is our faults or imperfections that provide us with opportunities to connect with others by having the courage to share our stories and the compassion to open our arms to others who do the same.
Through this practice we can create a deep seeded understanding, appreciate, and confidence within ourselves. This creates a presence which allows those around us to do the same.
Ready to take the wholehearted leap?
As with all things, start simple.
Begin by observing the way you speak to yourself when you engage in actions of imperfection. Do you confront yourself with compassion or criticism?
If it’s the later, try this:
Talk to yourself like you would your child.
If your child ate too many cookies, would you shame him and call him a pig?
Of course not! You would confront him without judgement, help him to notice of his actions, and then guide him to do better in the future.
After eating three peanut butter sandwiches, self-talk may look something like, “you are such a pig. How could you eat all that? No wonder you’re overweight! Well, you might as well just keep eating.” As you can imagine, the criticism and shame here only perpetuate this detrimental cycle.
What if the self-talk looked like this, “Wow, you must have been hungry. That peanut butter really is so addictive. It’s ok, what you eat does not determine your value. Let’s put that peanut butter away and go for walk to clear our mind and move our body.” By showing compassion in our self-talk we provide an opportunity for growth. This few simple phrases can help stop the cycle and take positive action.
Ok, I want to hear from you!
Do you have cycles in your life that you are struggling to get out of?
How could showing yourself a little compassion change that?
Comment below and let me know.